Via TheNextWeb.Org

“The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China . If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer it will go to India. If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany. If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in US. I’ve been doing my part.”

Via email … thanks Dan

According to a survey made by the social networking site Wayn.com, 10.000 women from 50 countries decided German man are the worst lovers in Europe. (it’s a bit harsh to say they are the worse in the whole world).

It seems that Germans are “branded selfish in bed”. On the second place the Swedes are renowned for being “too quick” and the Dutch are “too rough” (I wonder what do they mean with that :d ).

Americans are “too dominant” (haha, I wonder why!), Welshman are “soppy” and Scottish men are “too loud” (didn’t know that is a bad thing!).

Don’t forget the English men. Apparently they are too “chubby” while man from Turkey are “sweaty” (uh, that’s nasty). Once thought of the best lovers, Greeks are now known as “smelly” lovers (too much souvlaki maybe?) and vodka drinkers, Russians are “hairy”. (who cares about hair when they’re good in bed, huh?!)

On the other hand, the best lovers in the world are Italians, man from France, Ireland, South Africa, Aussies, Spanish people (oye!), Denmark men, brave males from New Zealand, hot man from Brazil and Canadians.

On a personal note I would say I don’t like Italian men. Many of them are prematurely bold and they don’t know how to behave with a woman. Males from France … well, this is another story!

P.S. there’s no reason for you males reading this to feel bad! It’s just a stupid survey! Your partners are the only ones who can say if you’re a good lover or not!

See which movies made it to the Top Ten Box Office this weekend. Have you saw any of them?

1. Beverly Hills Chihuahua - won $ 29. million

2. Eagle Eye - won $ 17.7 million

3. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist - won $ 12. million

4. Nights in Rodanthe - won $ 7.4 million

5. Appaloosa - won $ 5. million

6. Lakeview Terrace - won $4.5 million

7. Burn After Reading - won $ 4.08 million

8. Fireproof - won $ 4.07 million

9. An American Carol - won $ 3.8 million

10. Religulous - won $ 3.5 million

My God, that’s a lot of money! And you’re wondering why is this world falling apart! Nobody give’s a damn about economy and prosperity anymore! All they care about it what Britney did and who’s Paris Hilton’s new boyfriend…

Bad news for those of you who are looking for something funny to start the week. Let’s see what are we going to talk about today: it’s seems that man who drink Coke are less fertile. An unlucky old men from America woke up to find out he no longer has a penis and the fattest man alive is (finally!) getting married!

Size does matters! Manuel Uribe, World’s Fattest Man Alive is getting his tuxedo done cause on 26 October he’s getting married! The lucky(?!) is Claudia Solis, an average woman who has been near him for the past years. In fact, she helped him lose about 250 kilos. The Mexican Manuel weighed 560 kilos.

The happy couple haven’t decided where are they going to held the religious ceremony because the future to be groom can’t leave the bed.

Rumors has it they will get married in bed and thus skip the party and move on straight to the “honeymoon bed” and adventures.

I wish them all the best!

Image credit: vetvrji.com

Butt Bra! The perfect push-up for your ass! It seems that Jennifer Lopez is very proud of herself. Because all women want a big, firm ass just like Jenny from the Block has got. Well ladies, now you can have it. Because from now on you can lift up your posterior with the incredible Butt Bra! (I’m not sure how it’s called, it’s easier for me to just call it Butt Bra!). Hooray! It’s time for all the fat asses to come out to light and enjoy the sun!

image credit: the dailymail.co.uk

Coke kills sperm cells! Two scientists from Harvard (so, they aren’t any scientists, they are scientists from Harvard, got it?!) discovered that all sodas with Coke kill sperm cells. Apparently Coke makes sperm cells blow up. Now, I hope you’re not going to rush into it and use Coke as a contraceptive method.

The two Harvard scientists were awarded with the Nobel prize for most weird discoveries.

Cook your testicles! Actually, not your testicles! A Serbian cook launched his new recipe book where you can learn how to cook all sorts of things using testicles. Interested? Pizza with ox testicles, omelette and many other … delicacies! Um … it doesn’t sounds that yummy for me!

Total circumcision! Phillip Seaton, an American from Kentucky decided it’s time for him to have a circumcision. He’s 61! The unlucky thing was the fact that after the surgery he realized he’s missing … his penis! Dr. John M. Patterson decided to cut off the man’s penis because he had cancer. Of course Phillip is convinced that the doctor is not telling the truth and he decided to sue the doctor who deprived him from his beloved penis!

Well, Kentucky man you are just a bit lucky. A few years ago, in Romania, a man in his 30’s woke up without his penis because Dr. Ciomu mistook the surgery and cut off the man’s sausage. Ever since, whenever a doctor chops off his patient, we have a saying: “I guess he met dr. Ciomu”.

Sandra Meiser, age 26 from Germany was recognized by a witness while she was on the verge of another bank job due to her big … ass!

The German big butt bank robber managed to steal 15.000 euros from a bank in Norf (Western Germany) by pointing a gun at the bank personnel. Due to the fact that she had her face covered up, nobody could say how the robber looked like. All they noticed was the fact that the robber had “huge buttocks” and “strong hips“.
A few weeks later one of the witnesses was waiting at the line, in the same bank. The 61 years old noticed the same big butt in front of him. “You cannot forget something that big!”, said the man.

He called the police and the suspect was detained. Police recovered a ski mask and a gun from Sandra Meiser. She’s looking at a sentence of 10 years of jail time and the witness received 5000 euros for his good deed.

It pays to have a good memory!

Via Ananova

This is the latest edition of Nature magazine. On the front you can see Barack Obama and John McCain, the black candidate an the white candidate, and on the back there are two lovely labradors, a blond one - white, and a black one. The two cute creatures resemble the two presidential candidates.
Coincidence? Perhaps!

This is the giant and the midget! The World’s Smallest Adult Waist (53 cm/21ins) and the World’s Tallest man. I wonder how many people are into Guinness records

Thank you so much. Thank you for all the love. I’m here tonight to celebrate a very important birthday, the 25th anniversary of the VMAs. This is the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards and it starts right now. - Britney Spears, opening the show.

Sunday night’s show was mostly a joke. A political-musical joke.Yes, Britney Spears looked amazing, yes, there were many performing spots, but the show itself was really a big joke.

Russell Brand used his speech to convince people that Barack Obama is the right next American President, suggesting that “the retarded cowboy” (George W. Bush) was just a big mistake.

He also referred to the McCain-Palin pregnancy scandal, saying that republicans are the safest way to avoid a pregnancy. “Wear a condom or become a republican”, said Russell.

I still don’t see the connection between music and politics, but hey, it’s probably because there is no connection. But in America, everything is possible!

Russell also “joked” about the purity rings worn by the Jonas Brothers, and Jordin Sparks defended the boys saying “no everybody wants to be a slut”. I have to agree with her. America has enough problems with teenage mothers. That doesn’t mean every teenage should do what Jamie Lynn Spears did.

Anyway, I liked Rhianna’s performance, Disturbia. Too bad she sang too little, but she compensated that with her dancing skills.

The Jonas Brothers were the best, I loved their performance.

Britney Spears had won 3 awards: Best Female Video, Video of the Year, Best Pop Video all for Piece of Me. I personally don’t think she deserved them but hey, they needed a star and all they got was Britney Spears. It’s ok I guess, at least she’s not a train wreck anymore, the way she used to be just a year ago.

Pink performed “So what” outside the parking lot, her performance was incredible. Fire, stunts, explosions and rock - she had it all.

Mommy, Christina Aguilera performed a techno mix of her biggest his, Genie in a Bottle. This way she promoted her upcoming greatest hits album.

Among winners, we have:

Chris Brown - With You - Best Male Video

Lil Wayne - Lollipop - Best Hip Hop Video

Linkin Park - Shadow of the Day - Best Rock Video

I got this mail from a friend of mine.

Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?

Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button ’start’ but there is no ’stop’ button. We request you to check this.

2. One doubt is whetherany ‘re-scooter’ is available in system? I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

3. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ‘find’ button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

4. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when you will provide that?

5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ‘My Computer’: when you will povide the remaining items?

6. It is surprising that windows says ‘MY Pictures’ but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

7. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’ since I use the PC at home only.

8. You provided ‘My Recent Documents’. When you will provide ‘My Past Documents’?

9. You provide ‘My Network Places’. For God sake please do not provide ‘My Secret Places’. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta
Last one to Mr. Bill Gates:
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?