Via email … thanks Dan

Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?

Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button ’start’ but there is no ’stop’ button. We request you to check this.

2. One doubt is whetherany ‘re-scooter’ is available in system? I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

3. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ‘find’ button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

4. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when you will provide that?

5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ‘My Computer’: when you will povide the remaining items?

6. It is surprising that windows says ‘MY Pictures’ but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

7. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’ since I use the PC at home only.

8. You provided ‘My Recent Documents’. When you will provide ‘My Past Documents’?

9. You provide ‘My Network Places’. For God sake please do not provide ‘My Secret Places’. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta
Last one to Mr. Bill Gates:
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?

As you all know, after he set his foot on the Moon, Neil Amstrong said:

That’s one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind.

But before entering the space ship the famous astronaut said:

“Good luck, Mr. Gorsky!

Well, nobody knew who Mr. Gorsky was and many thought it was just a meaningless sentence regarding his Russian opponents. Many times Amstrong was asked who Mr. Gorsky was and the astronaut refused to tell.

After many years, o 5th of July 1995, during an interview Neil Amstrong revealed the mystery regarding Mr. Gorsky’s identity. He said: when I was a child, in 1938 while playing baseball in the garden with a friend, by mistake the ball got into my neighbor’s yard. I sneaked into his yard and heard Ms. Gorsky yelling at Mr. Gorsky :

“Sex? You want sex? We’re going to have sex only when the kid next door will land on the moon!”

I got this joke from Annie. Thank you

“Hey boss, did you remember to close the garage door this morning?”

The CEO answered back that he did close the garage door. He didn’t understand why the stupid question so he went back to work. After about 5 minutes he noticed the open cleavage. Then he understood why the secretary asked him about the garage door so he decides to make fun of her.

“When you saw the garage door open did you happen to see my Jaguar?”

“I’m sorry boss, all I saw was an old Mini with two flat tires.”

This may be an old joke but it sure made my day. Btw, I hate Tuesdays! Have a great day everyone!

P.S: Thnx Smakkie for the correct version!

Here’s the funny part:

• Recent studies have shown that in France people don’t count their calories when they eat, the pastries are full of fats, French people drink loads of wine, have sex very often and yet the risk of getting killed by a heart attack is higher in the United States than in France.

• In Spain or Italy people drink loads of wine, they have sex very often, and yet in England the number of the people killed by a heart attack are twice the number of the people in Spain or Italy dead after a heart attack.

• In Brazil people drink loads of coffee, they get laid a lot and yet there are less heart attacks deaths than in the United States.

• People from India and Thailand eat spicy and fat food, they have sex very often and yet UK and USA  have 3x times more people suffering from heart disease.

• In China and Japan people have sex a lot, they eat all sort of spicy things and yet Chinese or Japanese people live longer than most of Americans.

The conclusion? You can eat whatever you want, you can drink as much as you can, get laid a lot cause the real cause of heart attacks is speaking English.

(Thank God I’m safe! )

P.S : This is just a joke, please don’t take it personally! If you do, please get out of your mom’s basement and get laid!

After a few hours (and a few beers) I finally came up with the best motive: I’ll suddenly go crazy and my boss will have to let me go to a shrink or some sort of a doctor.

So the next day I went to work earlier and told my assistant about my brilliant plan. She thought I couldn’t do it. She was wrong!

After I walked into my office I threw my shoes off and hooked my feet to the ceiling. My boss came in.

Boss: “What the hell are you doing, son?!”

Me: ” Isn’t it obvious? I’m a lightbulb! I brighten this office!”

Boss: “I think it’s time for you to go to a shrink. Why don’t you take this week off and get well, huh? See you next week!”

My plan had worked! As soon as my boss walked out of my office I walked out too. Then, suddenly my assistant followed me.

Boss: “Where are you going?”
Assistant: “I’m sorry boss, I can’t work if there’s no more light in the office!”

Math: “Oh, sister it’s almost night and we’re still pretty far from home.”

Logic: “I hope you did realize a man is on our tail”

M: “Oh, sister! What does he want from us?”

L: “Its pretty logic. He wants to rape us!”

M: “If my calculations are correct we have less than 15 minutes to think of something before he gets to us.”

L: “The only logical thing for us to to is to go faster”

M: “I don’t think this is a solution”

L: “Of course it’s not a solution. He did the same logic thing, he’s walking faster”

M: “And now what? In less than a minute he’s going to be here. What are we going to do now?”

L: “The most logic thing for us to do is to go separate ways. You go that way and I’ll go this way. We’ll meet back home!”

After the two sisters went separate ways, the man followed Logic and Math went straight home. Logic wasn’t there and Math began to worry. After 5 minutes Logic came home.

M: “What happened? Are you ok?”

L: “As I though, after we went separate ways the man followed me. Then he ran after me. After about 1 minute he caught up with me!”

M: “Oh, dear. What happened next? What did he do to you?”

L: “After he caught up with me, I lifted my skirt up.”

M: “Oh, no! Did he hurt you?”

L: “After I did that, he unzipped his pants and came toward me!”

M: “What did you do then?”

L: “As you may find it logic, a woman runs faster with her skirt lifted than a man with his pants down his ankles.”

The morality of the story? Never mess with a woman’s logic!

Just do the math :

A woman has

• Two mammal glandes that produce about 1 gallon of milk. A half a gallon of milk is about $2.29, which means $4.58

• Two hunks of ham (thighs) which cost about $50, which means a total cost of $100.

• Also a woman’s breast cost about $35, if the breasts are stuffed with silicone the value goes higher.

Per total a woman costs about $ 139.58.

On the other hand, a man has

• a banana which cost about $0.50

• two eggs that sum $0.50

• and two mammal glandes that produce … well, nothing which means $0! Besides, his eggs are not good to be eaten and in time his banana becomes floppy.

Per total a man costs about $1.00!